3 L-O-N-G Years

I can't honestly believe that it has been 3 long years.. 3 years since I found out I was pregnant, I felt him move and kick and hicccup. 3 years since the ultrasound when we found out it was a healthy baby boy. 3 years since the HORRIBLE heartburn and back pain. I remember ALWAYS without fail, at 10pm each night you would dance, and flip and kick.. It was your happy time. Until December 1st. I didn't feel you move, dance, kick.. It's been 3 very long, tough years. I can still picture your little face- you had my nose. The first of my kids to get my nose (poor kid). You had the longest fingers. I can remember how quiet and calm everyone seemed to be. Especially Abbey. For a just turned 4 year old who normally bounces off the walls, it was so weird. But in a way, she knew. Kids know.. Libby has learned to say "Tay Tay" and she knows where in the house to find his pictures and his special bear.

What a journey though. My husband and I were talking on the eve of his birthday and he turned to me and said, "There is one good thing out of all of this. We wouldn't have Libby!" True. We always wanted our 3 kids (2 boys and 1 girl) but Heavenly Father had a different plan. We might not understand it yet. But I believe one day we will.

I spent the day going through his memory box, looking through his scrapbook and remembering that sad day.. My parents, kids and I went to his grave, decorated his Christmas tree, sang Happy Birthday, and released 3 balloons. We all wrote a message to Taylor on the balloons. It was very cold and very windy, but it was good to be with him. A great friend brought us soup and another brought me a sweet gift. It was a sad day. An anniversary. A birthday without him.

Tiny Angels

Tiny Angels rest your wings

sit with me for awhile.

How I long to hold your hand,

And see your tender smile.

Tiny Angel, look at me,

I want this image clear....

That I will forget your precious face

Is my biggest fear.

Tiny Angel can you tell me,

Why you have gone away?

You weren't here for very long....

Why is it, you couldn't stay?

Tiny Angel shook his head,

"These things I do not know....

But I do know that you love me,

And that I love you so".

Author Unknown

The Dance

I heard this song today and thought of Julie's experiences with little Taylor.

The Dance

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared,
Beneath the stars above...

For a moment, all the world was right
How could I have known,
That you'd ever say good-bye...

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end,
The way it all would go.
Our lives are better left to chance...

I could have missed the pain,
But I'd of had to miss the dance.
Holding you I held everything.
For a moment, wasn't I the king?

But if I'd only known how the king might fall...
Hey, who's to say?
You know I might have changed it all...

And now, I'm glad I didn't know,
The way it all would end,
The way it all would go.
Our lives are better left to chance...

I could have missed the pain,
But I'd of had to miss the dance...
My life is better left to chance...

I could have missed the pain,
But I'd of had to miss the dance.

~ Garth Brooks ~

Julie- you had a brief nine month dance with Taylor. One day you will hold him in your arms and dance again.

1 more day...

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Please visit this video I made in honor of Taylor's 3rd Birthday.. How I wish that things were different and I was making you a birthday cake and decorating the house, instead, I am going through your memory box and decorating your grave.