Pictures Say 1,000 Words

posted by Aunt Keri
I was reading Taylor's blog and felt the need to express the emotion that was in the room the day we held him . Words can never say the absolute shock, denial, and disbelief that we felt as we heard the news. And there are no words that can describe the silent strength that gently comforted us in our deep grieving.

Missing you poem

I found this poem on a website for bereaved parents. It touched me so I decided to post it.

The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.

The little one we long for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts
Says that we do love you.

Author unknown

Celestial Feeling

I attended the Temple for the first time in over 10 years on Saturday. My birthday is the 21st and that is really all I wanted. What made it more special, is that I went in honor of my friends little boy, Wyatt, who would have turned 1 on my birthday.

I remember as we were pulling into the parking lot of the Temple and my heart skipped a beat. I was so nervous-excited. We got out of the car. I could smell everything, every flower. My senses seemed to be awakened. Walking to the main doors it was almost as if I was going HOME. It was so inviting, so comforting- just what I wanted to feel. My mom and my sister came with me, for support, and honestly it was nice to sit next to my family in the Temple. What a wonderful reminder of families are forever.

I was very overwhelmed and tried not to show it. It was so special. I wore Taylor's ring around my neck. I wanted to feel him soooo bad. Sitting in the celestial room with my mom on one side and my sister on the other , I just had peace. Peace with life, peace with everything. I could picture my little boy running, playing, laughing with his little angel friend, Wyatt. I closed my eyes and could almost see myself there with them. How special to know that my little Taylor is not alone and he is happy. He is where he is supposed to be.

As we were leaving my sister handed me a note. I opened it and read,

Taylor was here today

In the unusually sunny day

In the bursts of sweet smelling flowers

In the kind voices of the Temple workers

In the love that filled his moms heart

Taylor was here today.

It made me start wondering about Taylor's golden birthday coming up. I would love to do some act of service, but am having a real hard time coming up with any ideas. I miss him so much and would love to remember him in a special way. I would love to hear from any of you with some ideas.

I came across this poem online this morning. The title explains it all.....

Please Don't Tell Them You Never Got to Know Me

It is I whose kicks you will always remember,
I who gave you heartburn that a dragon would envy,
I who couldn't seem to tell time and got your days and nights all mixed up,
I who went shopping and helped you pick out the "perfect" teddy bear for me,
I who liked to be cradled in your belly and rocked off to dreamy slumber by the fire,
It is I who never had a doubt about your love,
It is I who was able to put a lifetime of joy in an instant.

...Pat Schwiebert

I was having an OK day today. Worrying about school, when to go to work this week, house chores. I went out to get the mail and there was a letter with an attached coupon to buy some diapers. I didn't think anything of it but as I inspected it further, I saw this...

It almost blew me away! Don't they know that he is gone? Doesn't the company know that it hurts horribly to get mail for him? He would be 21 months old? That kills me to think that he has been gone 21 months. Not a single day has gone by that I haven't thought of him, that day, that moment. I know to some this might seem quite silly to get upset over a piece of mail, but when you lose a child your whole life is upside down. I just stood at the mailbox as if I just found out that he was gone. All the same emotions came flooding over me as if I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I just wanted to close my eyes and picture him with me. How life would be so different. But, this is my life. This isn't a dream. This is reality.

I wish that I would have started this blog a lot sooner. I read many blogs of mothers who have lost a child and look back and remember feeling the exact same way. When I lost Taylor, I just wanted a friend that I could talk to that knew, just knew, how I felt. That I could call in the middle of the night, or cry to. I know blogging helps release some emotions and helps. It is just nice to know that I am not the only one, that I am not alone, and that they truly KNOW how I feel.

As a mother of an angel, I am reminded daily of the importance of faith, love. For it is through faith that I have confidence in the plan of Salvation and that I will see my son again. Love. I have learned that love is eternal and that we can't take it for granted.

Baby Jesus

posted by Aunt Keri
Taylor's whole pregnancy was different somehow. With my sister's first two pregnancies, I was able to imagine what the future would be like with them- what color hair and eyes they would have, thinking what their first words would be, - things of that nature. But I never thought of those things when she was pregnant with Taylor. There was only ONE image of him that I ever composed- little Taylor playing baby Jesus during the Christmas nativity scene. I thought that would be so cute to have big sister and big brother be Mary and Joseph and their sweet little brother would fit the part of the baby Jesus. The perfect nativity trio! When we heard the tragic news of Taylor, I stopped thinking about the nativity.

Looking back, Taylor did play his part as Jesus. He taught us the beauty of the sealing power through Christ and helped his family grow stronger in the gospel. He came to this earth to receive a mortal body and will one day be resurrected just as our Savior. What sweet and strong lessons we can learn from our little Taylor.

Eternal Plan

"I have a family here on earth. They are so good to me. I want to share my life with them through all eternity. Families can be TOGETHER FOREVER through Heavenly Father's plan. I always want to be with my own family, and the Lord has shown me how I can. The Lord has shown me that I can." What a comforting song during a time of loss. I understood the words, but never actually really comprehended them. Through all eternity! What a joyous thing to know that we have our loved ones through all eternity. Heavenly Father's plan -to know that his only begotten son would die so that we all could return to Him and our families again. How grateful for this plan and for this sacrifice. Eternity sounds so far away. I know in the spectrum of life that it's not that far away. It is amazing to think that I will be able to raise my Taylor in a perfect place. It's hard to be patient for this but all I can do is prepare myself while I am still here.