Have you ever thought about what your true fears are? Well, I had a rude awakening this morning. I had a horrible dream about losing another child. Now, believe me, I have plenty of fears- sharks, long bridges, deep water, SPIDERS, earthquakes, fire- but none of them even come close to the fear of losing another child.
The dream itself was horrible. So horrible, in fact, that I woke up in a deep sweat and my heart was racing. I thought the dream was real... I know that it was just a dream but I just jumped out of bed and hugged my child as if I hadn't seen him in days. He was a little weirded out by it, but I was sooo happy that he was alive and that I could spend yet another day with him.
It made me realize that I was feeling very guilty about not spending a lot of time with him lately. I am so grateful that I do have 3 beautiful children here on earth, to take care of, to watch grow up, to snuggle with, to sing to, to just be there for. I am also grateful for the little one that I have lost, for I know that I will see him again, and how wonderful that day will be!
3 comments:
beautifully written.... find JOY in the JOURNEY back to taylor!
I wanted to post a comment on the temple post but didn't know if you would see it so I'm posting it here. Thank you, thank you for the sweet post with mention of Wyatt. I don't know how I missed that post but some how I did. I'm so glad you were able to attend the temple and feel the comfort there. I just want you to know how much that meant to me that you would remember Wyatt. I truly think Taylor and Wyatt must be friends in heaven. Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness in my behalf. You are amazing!
Love,
Andrea
You know what is ironic, and I think it is because of all the blogs I read about peoples experiences losing their child, this is my biggest fear. I actually have thoughts about how it happens and seeing my childs face as they are passing away. Cody tells me I am paranoid and he is probably right. But I think people have friends for reasons, I dont think things just happen just because. Everything happens for a reason. I know if that day ever really came my best friend would be there to guide me through it. Maybe I just have those thoughts because I am suppose to be living with that mentality, that you never know what tomorrow holds. I am trying to cherish my kids a whole lot more than I have in the past. Thank You Julie for being my inspiration and a true friend!
love ya!
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