2009 - What will it bring?

I have been pondering about what this next year might bring... I have been very, no, extremely blessed in 2008. I am scared- I worry about everything, as you all know. I think I worry so much that my hair is falling out(although I have been told by friends/family that its due to post partum- we will find out soon for sure) I am hoping for the best and yet fear the worst.

I think that we all come up with New Years Resolutions. Lose weight, eat better, sleep more, etc... whatever it may be. I ask that this year, instead of resolutions that you have tried before or that last 2-3 days, I challenge you all to come up with a change- A change that will not only impact you but all close around you. Ponder, really search for something that could be positive.

My change is for "making each day count" as said by Jack in the Titanic movie (played by Leonardo DiCaprio. I am saddened each day that I can't spend them with my Taylor. I know that I will have my time with him later- but it doesn't make it any easier because later is not now. Patience is part of my change. Patience for that future with my Taylor, but also patience with the present. My kids are amazing. I love them so much... They are the reason that I get up each day- for the smiles that are on my face, for the laughter that rings through my house, just to have them with me each day. To make each day count- We will never get today again. We will miss yesterday and look forward for tomorrows.

I don't mean to sound cheesy- but MAKE EACH DAY COUNT while you can. May we all be blessed in 2009.

Ornaments for Taylor

This was given to us from my mother in law- I thought is was very fitting.
I read this poem to my sister and just started crying- It is short yet is so powerful all at the same time.

This is the front of the ornament. It was given to us from my good friend Liesl whom we have shared everything together. She is an inspiration to me. I love that Santa is kneeling to baby Jesus. It puts things in perspective, don't you think?

I have loved angels ever since I lost Taylor. When I look at them I feel safe and I know that someone is watching over me and my family.

This time of year

Why is it that this time of year is so hard on us who have suffered through a loss? Why is it that when the chill in the air comes, so does our sadness even more so? Why is it that instead of rushing for gifts our hearts are sad and full and the ONE thing we want most, we can't have?

I can't imagine us all in heaven- Knowing what challenges were up ahead and yet we still came to this earth to live through them. Back when my grief was so fresh, I used to tell people that I stood in the wrong line in heaven. There is no way that I would have volunteered to lose a child. But as the months have gone by and the sorrow lightened a bit, I have realized that I am not the only one with this loss. It is not just about me.

I am the primary chorister and was teaching a song to my little Jr primary. For those of you who have been in primary might know it but its called "Picture a Christmas" I want to list the first verse and chorus for those who aren't familiar with the words:

Picture a stable in Judea

Picture a sacred silent night

And can you hear, The Angels near

And see the star so bright

Picture the little baby Jesus

Think of his life and words so dear

Sing praise to Him

REMEMBER Him

As you picture Christmas this year.

Isn't it true that we can get all caught up and forget the real meaning of Christmas? I was talking to a good friend a while back and we were discussing Taylor. She asked if I would have still gone through the pregnancy even if I knew beforehand that he would pass away. I didn't even hesitate. OF COURSE. She said that Heavenly Father knew that his Son would die and yet sent Him anyway- for all of us! So that we could return to Him and our loved ones again. What an amazing gift that we received when Jesus was born. I am truly grateful for that sacrifice and yet the holidays will always bring a sadness for me, there is also a peace as well. I know that Taylor has some pretty important work up in heaven before we come. Christmas seems to have more of the TRUE meaning shine through for me now. I am blessed and can't wait when my real "gift" will come to be with my WHOLE family again.

I wish that we all REMEMBER the true meaning of the holiday season and hope that this coming year will bring much happiness and joy to all.