I received this award from a wonderful lifelong friend who has an amazing blog about this chaos we call life...

http://3scoopsofchaos.blogspot.com/

Thanks so much for thinking of me! When I set out with this blog, I had no idea that I would be getting any kind of an award. The award was for me to heal and to help others who have suffered loss.

The butterfly symbolizes transformation or a joyful life.
Butterflies teach us that patience brings its rewards and as long as we keep working and developing ourselves the final glorious butterfly stage will come. joy is my goal, joy is my reality, joy will come, joy is here now. When we encounter butterflies in our daily lives they are always a joy to find and a good totem. When one day you open your curtains and a butterfly flutters up you know that a glorious change is taking place in your life. You see the butterfly flutter his wings, almost dancing along. This is what butterfly teaches, that true joy is within the dance of life.

Thanks Jen! :)

I am sending this award to a friend, Andrea, who also has lost a sweet baby, Wyatt. She cherishes all butterflies and calls them her Wyatt moments. Thank you for sharing your true feelings with me.

http://andrealarsen.blogspot.com/

A poem says it all

I Lost My Child Today

by Netta Wilson, 1996


I lost my child today.
People came to weep and cry,As I just sat and stared, dry eyed.
They struggled to find words to say,
To try and make the pain go away,
I walked the floor in disbelief,
I lost my child today.

I lost my child last month.
Most of the people went away,
Some still call and some still stay.
I wait to wake up from this dream.
This can't be real. I want to scream.
Yet everything is locked inside,
God, help me, I want to die.
I lost my child last month.

I lost my child last year.
Now people who had come, have gone.
I sit and struggle all day long.
To bear the pain so deep inside.
And now my friends just question, Why?
Why does this mother not move on?
Just sits and sings the same old song.
Good heavens, it has been so long.
I lost my child last year.

Time has not moved on for me.
The numbness it has disappeared.
My eyes have now cried many tears.
I see the look upon your face,
"She must move on and leave this place."
Yet I am trapped right here in time,
The songs the same, as is the rhyme,
I lost my child......Today.

This poem fits the mold perfectly. How neighbors, friends, family remember for a short time, but he is lost in your heart forever. Yes, the pain lessens, the tears slowly subside, but you ALWAYS remember. You will never forget. You don't want to forget.

"I am thinking of you my little one. Just wondering what you are doing.. Are you playing in the clouds? Are you playing with your family and friends? Do you remember me? Do you know how much we love and think of you? Do you know Angel Logan? His mommy sent me a quote that sums how I feel standing here without you. "—“You feel frozen while the world is still rushing on around you. No matter how many people are there for you, you have to go through this by yourself”. I love you and will always love you forever and always. Love Mommy"

Dedicated with Love to my Sister Keri

God answers so many of my little prayers,

so why not the big ones too?

I just can't understand it

Why does He do the things he decides to do?

My deepest desire lies unfullfilled

I feel so hopeless inside

I know I should be thankful

and not so full of pride.

I ask God every dayfor this or that, you know, little things.

And when He answers so clearly

my heart just really sings.

But in those deep, pondering moments

When I ask for the desire of my heart

,I get no clear answer

and then my tears start

,Oh God, I want a baby

to hold and kiss and love

I know that You alone can give me

that blessing from above.

I keep waiting, waiting, waiting

and my patience grows to despair.

Oh why can't I have a baby?

For nothing else I truely care.

I know You haven't forgotten me

for better things to do

because You answer all my little prayers,

I just wish You'd fulfill my big one, too.

By Stephanie Marottek9/25/01

I hope this poem might help. We are not the only ones that feel like this and you are such a strong daughter of our Heavenly Father. He LOVES you and KNOWS how you are feeling. I LOVE you and KNOW how you are feeling. Just think of all the beautiful children you will have after the Millienium- they will be able to play with Taylor!