Who decides?

I am writing this post and I am feeling very hurt, sad, angry, alone.. all at the same time. I just don't understand how people can be... I just don't get it. Confused? Well, let me explain.

It all started when I visited a blog(which shall remain annonymas)who also lost a child. I loved this blog. I would read it religiously. I loved to read all the emotions that she would give in her entires. I felt a connection to her, having suffered a tremendous loss, but also just because she felt like family. I read in her latest entry about a group that caters to mothers who have lost children.. And they were looking for mothers out there who would want to join.. I thought to myself, "This will be a great oppurunity to get to know other mothers, who have grieved, who have lost, who have cried... I want to join!" I emailed her and was anxiously awaiting her reply when I received such a dissapointment.

I was told that I couldn't join "their" group because I did not lose a live child. My heart sank. I felt sick to my stomach.. Who gets to decide that my child wasn't alive for 38 weeks and 5 days? Who decides that my loss is less/much greater than another? Who decides that my pain is not valid, not appropriate? A LOSS is a LOSS period.. No if's ands or buts about it. No one should be the judge of your own heart. Everyone grieves in their own way. Some have a harder time than others, but doesn't make them a weak person for it. I AM still GRIEVING. My heart still aches, breaks when I think about him. I have not gone 1 full day without thinking about him. He is a part of my life. He will always be. He is ALIVE within my heart.

I found a wondeful support group that caters to those who have lost a baby/infant to miscarriage, stillbirth, or newborn death. It is comforting to know that there I can find people that DO feel the same way as I do. I am not posting this to get back at anyone.. I am just posting this because I am frustrated and feel that I need to express my feelings. :(

I found this beautiful poem online about the loss of a pregnancy. I thought I would share it..

Elisabeth's Poem
For Elisabeth Grace 1/14/98

We didn't know you would be
so beautiful and so tiny,
eyes yet unopened,
red rosy lips, a small button nose,
delicate fingers and tiny toes.

We didn't know how much
we would miss,
ever hearing the sound of your cry.
Silence is not golden, it is horrible.

We didn't know the hours we held you close,
would seem so pitifully short.
We didn't know the numbness we felt
the day we lost you, would wear off,
without any mercy on our aching hearts.

We didn't know the true meaning
of the words,
sadness and sorrow.
Now we know...
and now it hurts.