Expiration dates

This probably sounds different, but I often check expiration dates on everything. I was putting some snacks into our pantry and noticed that one of the dates was Dec. 2, 2008. I just stood there for a couple of minutes, staring at it. Like it was trying to tell me something. My first thought for that day was to celebrate a 2nd birthday. I see little boys running around at church or the grocery store and think they would be Taylor's age. Taylor should be running around, playing with trucks and balls, going to Nursery, starting to really talk and express himself.

Dec 2 is such an incredible day. My first son was due on this day, but due to pre-eclampsia, was taken a month early. December is also the month that we truly reflect on the birth of Christ. How perfect that my ANGEL was taken during this time of year. It has brought the real meaning of Christmas to our family.

I attended a funeral on Saturday at the same funeral home we had Taylor's. In fact, it was even inthe same room. I was prepared for the worst to overcome me. But I honestly did not feel the same Spirit. There was almost an emptiness there. I walked around the room, saw the flowers that were there 1 1/2 years ago. Noticed the chairs and the detailing of the rugs. Everything seemed the same. Everything but the Spirit. The veil was so thin after Taylor passed and I thought I would have that same warmth come over me. Taylor proved to truly be an angel, sent here to receive his body and then go on to a greater mission.

After the funeral, I drove to see my Taylor. As I walked up to the grave, I noticed that the angel we had placed there had fallen down. I picked it up and wiped of the grass and mud. I read the quote on it and started to tear up. " You are my angel, even though we are apart, You will always and forever, be alive within my heart." How true! Taylor is an angel, and even though we are not together on this earth, his spirit lives with me. I brought Lil' sis with me for her first visit to his grave. I wasn't expecting her to react or anything (she is only 3 months old). But she surprised me. Lil' sis did not take her bright blue eyes off the grave. It's almost as if she was studying it and trying to understand what it was. And then the most amazing thing. She wouldn't stop cooing. Just on and on. I thought to myself " What do you see? What are you talking to?" Then I realized not what are you talking to, but who are you talking to. Taylor. She was talking to Taylor. I would give all the money in the world to know what she was telling him, and if he was talking to her. Its incredible to know that the veil is thin for babies, thin enough to maybe see and talk to her loved ones in heaven. It makes me homesick for heaven. Yet, I know when I am low and sad, I can turn to Heavenly Father for comfort.