First Post

Our sweet baby boy was stillborn on December 2, 2006. I can remember the day as if it were yesterday. He wasn't moving the night before and I assumed that he was sleeping. When I went to the hospital that next morning, he was gone. I could play the WHAT IF game, but I figure that wouldn't bring my baby back. He was soo perfect. In fact he was TOO perfect for this earth. He is my guardian angel. My kids have a special angel watching over them. I am lucky that I was the one that carried him in my womb. I felt the kicking and the hiccups. I experienced the heartburn and the morning sickness. I knew that every night at 10pm, he was the most active and was doing somersaults and flips. I was the lucky one that got to know him the best. I feel sad for my husband and for my children that weren't able to experience that bond with him before he went on to a more important mission. He will always be my special missionary, for it took losing him to get us back to the Temple. When we found out that he was a boy, I was ecstatic. I knew that I always wanted 2 boys and 1 girl. My husband and I had met and known each other 4 days before we knew that we wanted 3 kids. But, something in the back of my mind was saying that I needed to have a girl. I was DONE at 3 kids. Taylor would be the last of our perfect 2 boys and 1 girl. But my plan was wrong. I wonder sometimes if Taylor left this world so that his little sister could come. It took 9 LONG months to get pregnant after he passed away. We decided not to tell anyone due to the fact that so many things can go wrong. We found out we were having his little sister on Dec 17, 2007 just 1 day before my husbands birthday. We have been extremely blessed to have our perfect 4 children. I miss him so much sometimes that I can't breathe. How my life would be soo different. I will never ever be the SAME. Yet, I think that I have changed for the better. I take each day. Each hour. Each second, as if it were my last. He has taught me to less selfish, to be more understanding and patient. He has taught me the importance of FAMILIES ARE FOREVER. I love him with ALL my heart and will be posting often of the happiness and sadness along this journey.